I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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