I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
