I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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