Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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