She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
