He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
