HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
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