i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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