I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
