Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
