he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
