Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
