I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Naked Twister starts at high noon
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
