So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We had to coat check the pizza.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
