She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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