somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
