I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize