hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
