your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
