You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
