I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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