gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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