He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
