My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
