I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
