I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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