So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Congratulations! We have a period
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