God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
