I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
