i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
