i permit you to call me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
