At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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