in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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