he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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