Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
