i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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