My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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