I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
