4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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