I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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