whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
