For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize