once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
