Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My pussy is not your playground.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
