I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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