Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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