Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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