Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
