Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize