Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
