my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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