We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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