Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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