Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
