Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
