I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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