The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
