It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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