lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
