Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
