we're chasing vodka with high fives
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
