Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize