If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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