you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Let's get the cat blown out
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize