The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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