Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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