I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
