Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's like iHOP with fire
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
