I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
