WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
