Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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