Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
