when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
