Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize