I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
