What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
