so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
